California

Guy on cell: When the freeway ends, turn left…Yes, the freeway ends….Because the continent ends, dipshit.

–Hermosa Beach, California

Random passer-by: Have you seen Shark Week? I'm not going in there!

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Anna

Man #1: Man, I’ve got some sandy nuts. Sannndy nuuuts!
Man #2: Dude, shake it over there. You’re getting your nut-sand all over me.

–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: Daryl

Blonde girl on cell: That's not fair! Just because I want to actively pursue a sexual relationship with my thesis advisor does not mean you can call me a whore! (long pause) My boyfriend says he doesn't care.

–Los Angeles, California

Middle-aged woman to another, watching opera-singing karaoke street performer: I dunno… I say she's retarded.

–Laguna Beach, California

Overheard by: Fixed Address Local

Teenage girl #1: And then I was all like, “I saw ducks!”
Teenage girl #2: God, that's such a stoner thing to say!

–Granite Bay, California

Overheard by: ducks are cool

Guy, looking at girlfriend's dog sniffing another dog: Dog breeding is awesome!

–Newport Pier, Newport Beach, California

Girl #1: Look at that guy's head. It's so weirdly shaped.
Girl #2: Why does it do that at the back? Like, what's with the way it folds at the back?
Girl #1: Oooh, he has some nicely shaped biceps, though! Wow!
Girl #2: Yeah, he makes it obvious by putting his arms up like that to distract from his head.
Girl #1: He's totally doing that.
Girl #2: He's sitting there going, “hey ladies, don't look at my oddly shaped head. Look at my nicely shaped biceps instead.” (pause) Hey, that rhymed.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Rachel

Kid #1: Mama, have you seen the bad guy?
Mom: Not today.
Kid #1: Is he here?
Mom: I don’t think so, no.
Kid #2: Where is he?
Mom: Well, if you don’t look for him, you’re not gonna find him!

–Malibu, California

Overheard by: Jessica B.

Teen bimbette: So I heard about this new band that just came out. The lead singer is really cute… they’re called The Doors.

–South California