70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?
–Palm Coast, Florida
Police officer: You’re under arrest for underage drinking in public.
American teen: But they’re from Canada, officer!
Police officer: Got any marijuana in your purse?
–Sandestin, Florida
Overheard by: proudcanadian
Creepster: Her dad says I’m too old to be hitting on a 13-year-old girl, so I do the math. But if you let them get their belly button pierced, they are going to get attention.
–St. Simon’s Island, Georgia
Overheard by: Dragoman
Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.
–Wells Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Vee-licious
Teen boy #1: I think those girls look 14.
Teen boy #2: No, dude, they gotta be 16.
Teen boy #1: I am telling them I am 20.
Teen boy #2: I am 17.
Teen boy #1: No, dude, you got to use your fake age.
Teen boy #2: Man, that’s why you got game.
–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jinx
College girl: Stop hitting on the nine-year-old, and let’s leave!
–Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia
Trendy overdressed girl: Oh my god, did you see all those teenagers lurking outside? They think they're so fucking cool! God!
Trendy overdressed guy: I know.
Trendy overdressed girl: It's like, ever since we turned 20, I can't believe we ever hung out with people like that.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: 22-year-old who's glad she never hung out with either of them
Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I've got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!
–The Hamptons, New York
Dude #1: All I'm saying is, at some point she'll be 23 and damn sexy.
Dude #2: You have a good point.
–Cupsogue Beach, Westhampton, New York
Overheard by: sas
Three-year-old girl, swaying her hips: Mommy, do I look like a teenager?
–Fire Island, New York
