Advice

Camp counselor: Hurry up, or you’ll be left behind!
Kid: Then I’d get to stay here. Awesome!
Camp counselor: Frankly, it’s my last day, so I really don’t care.

–Third Beach, Newport, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Bored Beyond the Beach

Bostonian #1: I was thinking I should try out for Saturday Night Live or somethin’.
Bostonian #2: Yeah, you should, Vin. You are funny!
Bostonian #1: Yeah, I know! I mean, who’s funnier than me? Except for, you know, comedians.

–South Beach, Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: luna

Banana vendor: Bananas… Bananas… Two for a dollar! Bananas…
Topless girl in string bikini bottom: But I just need one…
Banana vendor: Why don’t you eat the other one?

–South Korea

Mother, holding one son in the ocean and calling another on shore: See? The water's fantastic. You have nothing to worry about.
Four-year-old son, crying: I don't want to die here!

–Palm Beach, Aruba

Fitness instructor, to participant complaining of leg cramps: Make sure you get a banana in you before you head to work.

–Crescent Bay Park, Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: JD

Seven-year-old: Dude, your sister needs hotter friends.
Friend: Well, there's the blond one.
Seven-year-old: What's her name?
Friend: I forget.
Seven-year-old: Dude! If they're hot, you remember their names!

–Ocean Beach, New Jersey

Kid in wave pool, to friend: No, you gotta jump up into the waves. Jump! Jump! No, jump up, not down!

–Splish Splash, Long Island, New York

Girl #1, looking at fake sex pills: You should get him this one: “One Large Dose of Lovin’.”
Girl #2: Bitch, it’s going to take more than some candy to get him to fuck me!

–Novelty shop, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Ava

Mom to son as he runs off to play: Don’t touch the sand! Don’t touch the sand!

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Jawdropped

Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It’s paradise!

–Paradise Island, The Bahamas

Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer