Advice

Guy #1: She told me that she wants to see other people.
Guy #2: You’re taking this all the wrong way. Now, you can nail that slut over there and she can’t be mad at you when you get back together!
Slut: I would never have you.

–Long Beach, New York

Man with thick Russian accent to group of dancing girls: Shake it, shake it!
(seriously) But do not break it.

–Brighton Beach, New York

Little girl, crying: He’s not coming! He said he was going to come, and now he’s not coming!
Apathetic, topless, overly-tan mom: Go home. Eat something.

–Palavas-les-Flots, France (translated from French)

Overheard by: Christine

Loud girl to friend: Man, people is stupid!
Friend: I know, right!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Mother, to little boy refusing to wear swimmies: Fine, I guess you can go drown. Say bye bye to mommy. [Little boy breaks into hysterics.]

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Leigh

Mother to crying three-year-old: Billy, you need to work on your emotional fragility. Take a deep cleansing breath. You know, you are a sensitive and caring boy, and that's a strength. But right now it's a weakness and you need to stop it.

–Delaware

Frat guy trying to get to house behind closed gate: Dude, what the hell?
Teen girl on balcony across street: Boy, to open that gate you gotta' open yo' legs!

–Seaside, Florida

Young boy: Look dad, somebody dropped some peanuts.
Male surfer: Sir, I wouldn’t eat them, I think they came out of someone’s rear end.
Young boy: So these are ass nuts? Awesome!

–Florence, Oregon

Overheard by: Johm

Guy on cell: When the freeway ends, turn left…Yes, the freeway ends….Because the continent ends, dipshit.

–Hermosa Beach, California

Random passer-by: Have you seen Shark Week? I'm not going in there!

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Anna