Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.

–East Hampton, New York

Overheard by: I'll never swim again

Teen boy #1: I think those girls look 14.
Teen boy #2: No, dude, they gotta be 16.
Teen boy #1: I am telling them I am 20.
Teen boy #2: I am 17.
Teen boy #1: No, dude, you got to use your fake age.
Teen boy #2: Man, that’s why you got game.

–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Jinx

College girl: Stop hitting on the nine-year-old, and let’s leave!

–Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia

Asian guy: We should get some fish and chips.
Asian girl: Ooh, I love tartar sauce. It’s my favorite continent.
Asian guy: What?

–Steveston Pier, Richmond, British Columbia

Girl #1: How do my boobs look?
Girl #2: Like oranges. Seriously, you need to quit that fake tanning shit.
Girl #1: Suck my dick.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Queer: That guy sooo just checked you out.
Hot chick: Should I go over there and ask to sit on his face?
Queer: Bianca.
Hot chick: What? I’m horny!
Queer: Me, too, now that I think of it.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Black guy playing drums, smiling at toddler nearby: Hi, sweetie. What you thinkin’? [Passing white lady tourist takes picture, and black guy frowns.] I respect you, too! Do I take a picture of you at the insurance office in Iowa?!
White lady tourist: Well, I–
Black guy: –Step off, bitch! [Turns back to little girl] Don’t grow up to be like her, baby girl.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: This place sure has changed since the 80s

Ugly teen girl: Don’t compromise your morals! That’s the thing about debate camp. It makes people attractive that you wouldn’t normally find attractive.

–Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: glad I chose soccer camp

Little boy: I can’t believe we went under. I still have that taste in my mouth!
Dad: Get used to it. You’ll be tasting that your whole life.

–Horseneck Beach, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Kp & Cd

Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don’t like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I’m lactose-intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!

–Venice Beach, California