Threats

Little boy, wearing a towel as a cape: I’m six! And six-year-old boys are full of poison! I’m gonna bite you! Rawrrr!

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lisita

Pale nerd to posse: So I took out my super big blue Chakra shotgun and I said…

–Seal Beach, California

Old lady at car: Henry, wait for me!
Old man carrying beach chairs half a block ahead of her: Dammit, Agnes, I’m going! I’ve been waiting for you for 40 years!

–Beach near Naples, Florida

Overheard by: X

Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.

Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.

Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!

–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina

Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I'll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don't know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)

–Ocean City, Maryland

Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Lilian

Little girl: I’m gonna… I’m gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don’t know…
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! … Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.

–Oceanside, California

Overheard by: kafrin

Hot chick #1 (laying on Little Mermaid towel): I always feel bad laying on her like this.
Hot chick #2: I wouldn’t! I’d scissor her face if she was real.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Woman, noticing fly on her arm: No, you cannot land on me!

–Huntington Beach, California

Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.

–Treasure Island, Florida

Overheard by: Native Floridian