Crabby mom to sugared‐up five‐year‐old: Fine! Tell your daddy I said you were shark bait. Just please sit down or, I swear to God, you will be!

–South Padre Island, Texas

Overheard by: airwav

Man, hearing seagulls: Wolves!

–Upper Hutt, New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Guy sharing Ferris wheel with family: Good thing they fixed this cart, it was broken yesterday.
Old lady: Have you ever been slapped by a complete stranger?

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: girl #1

Little boy, wearing a towel as a cape: I’m six! And six‐year‐old boys are full of poison! I’m gonna bite you! Rawrrr!

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lisita

Pale nerd to posse: So I took out my super big blue Chakra shotgun and I said…

–Seal Beach, California

Old lady at car: Henry, wait for me!
Old man carrying beach chairs half a block ahead of her: Dammit, Agnes, I’m going! I’ve been waiting for you for 40 years!

–Beach near Naples, Florida

Overheard by: X

Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.

Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.

Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!

–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina

Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I’ll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don’t know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)

–Ocean City, Maryland

Five‐year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie‐board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Lilian

Little girl: I’m gonna… I’m gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don’t know…
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! … Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.

–Oceanside, California

Overheard by: kafrin