South Carolina

Nine-year-old boy #1 (yelling): My penis! My penis just closed!
Nine-year-old boy #2 (yelling): Cool!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Chandler Smith

Redneck lady coming out of a liquor store: She must have been drunk when she named her kid “Jose Cuervo”.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Girl to athletic friend: So, Mary Anne, when you go running, like what does that mean? Is that like, really fast?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: KB

Teen girl #1: Yeah, he would be cute if he had better teeth.
Teen girl #2: Or a smaller nose.
Teen girl #3: He'd be cute if he was completely different.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Old lady: I think he's a delightful young man and so is she.

–Manteo, North Carolina

Overheard by: Sarah J.

Guy, about his infant son’s abnormally long ass crack: Some day that one’s gonna be the toast of San Francisco.

–Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Reading Man

Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: beach*blonde

Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Girl: That big lady across the room is staring at you again. You know she thinks you’re hot — I bet she’s picturing you naked right now.
Guy, rubbing his nipples: She wants my body.
Girl: In a minute she’s gonna look over here and do that to you.
Guy: Are you kidding? That bitch would have to grow longer arms so she could reach below her knees.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Little boy from Georgia: My mom says y’all are Yankees.
Little boy from Connecticut: Uh-uh, not me. I’m a Red Sox.

–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Big girl from Connecticut