Tanned man #1: Look at those fags over there!
Tanned man #2: Which ones?
Tanned man #1: The two over there, sitting with those four hot girls with the fine asses, big tits, and tiny bikinis.
Tanned man #2: Wait. You and I are alone. Those two guys have two girls each. Sounds like we’re the fags.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: D Meyers
Nine-year-old boy #1 (yelling): My penis! My penis just closed!
(pause)
Nine-year-old boy #2 (yelling): Cool!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Chandler Smith
Redneck lady coming out of a liquor store: She must have been drunk when she named her kid “Jose Cuervo”.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Girl to athletic friend: So, Mary Anne, when you go running, like what does that mean? Is that like, really fast?
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: KB
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he would be cute if he had better teeth.
Teen girl #2: Or a smaller nose.
Teen girl #3: He'd be cute if he was completely different.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Old lady: I think he's a delightful young man and so is she.
–Manteo, North Carolina
Overheard by: Sarah J.
Guy, about his infant son’s abnormally long ass crack: Some day that one’s gonna be the toast of San Francisco.
–Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Reading Man
Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: beach*blonde
Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Girl: That big lady across the room is staring at you again. You know she thinks you’re hot — I bet she’s picturing you naked right now.
Guy, rubbing his nipples: She wants my body.
Girl: In a minute she’s gonna look over here and do that to you.
Guy: Are you kidding? That bitch would have to grow longer arms so she could reach below her knees.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
