Elderly man, taking picture of his wife on the beach: You look like you're having an orgasm!
Wife: How would you know?
–Pass-A-Grille Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The girl who almost ended up in the picture.
Elderly man, taking picture of his wife on the beach: You look like you're having an orgasm!
Wife: How would you know?
–Pass-A-Grille Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The girl who almost ended up in the picture.
Middle-aged soccer mom, incredulously: There is sand everywhere! (short pause) Like, no kidding!
–Calafia Beach, San Clemente, California
Overheard by: omg, are you kidding?!
Girl #1: It was really awkward with him last night, he kept putting his hand in his back pocket and down the back of his jeans.
Girl #2: Maybe he had an itch on his ass?
Girl #1: It was worse then that: he started rubbing his ass on the bar stool.
–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York
Girl: I think that bitch Ashley got me sick. You know how you can feel it in the back of your throat before it comes… Wow!
–San Diego, California
Perfect guido #1, intensely: Yo, bro, there is no way dat your granmudda’s meatballs are better dan my granmudda’s meatballs.
Perfect guido #2: Alright, bro, I’ll give you dat much. But my granmudda’s marinara sauce will blow your granmudda’s outta da saucepan.
–Jones Beach, New York
Burger eater to another: I ate so much salad yesterday I've got lettuce confetti flying out of my butt.
–Kailua-Kona, Hawaii
Overheard by: check please!
Boy to friend: When she called I was in my room, naked, blow drying my body.
–Jones Beach, New York
Guy on bus to friends: So the longer those titties were in front of me, the happier I became.
–Brisbane, Australia
Girl: If I use cooking oil, do you think I’ll tan twice as fast?
Boy: No, but you’ll probably smell like bacon.
–Corolla, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mandy
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I'm wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it's Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building's the one my buddy sold and now it's a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
