Wifey: I mean, just stop staring at her vagina!
–Cedar Beach, West Islip, Long Island
Overheard by: Indecent Exposure?
Wifey: I mean, just stop staring at her vagina!
–Cedar Beach, West Islip, Long Island
Overheard by: Indecent Exposure?
Girl: So, like, that Mary was too nice. I swear, if some angel came down and told me I was pregnant with God’s kid, I’d abort it. No immaculate conceptions for me.
–Santa Cruz, California
Asian girl: He fell in my hole and won’t get out!
–Long Beach, New York
Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time.
Guy comes back with a lemon ice.
–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Batwon
Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time.
Guy comes back with a lemon ice.
–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Batwon
Mom: You cut your finger on a Cheetoh?
–Hotel pool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Male beach-goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach-goer #2: You didn’t.
Male beach-goer #1: Isn’t the poop in this bag?
Male beach-goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you’re carrying the poop.
Male beach-goer #1: Oh my God! No one’s ever said that to me before.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Poopfactory
Teen girl #1: Why the hell are we here?
Teen girl #2: Because we have nothing better to do.
Teen girl #1: Wait… why didn’t we call that guy who did that porno after high school? He’ll do us both.
–Ashwaubomay Lake, Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Lacy Magnolia
Guy #1: Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Guy #2: The drink or actual sex?
Guy #1: Actual sex.
Guy #2: With a girl?
Guy #1: What the hell else would I mean?! Yeah, with a girl!
Guy #2: Like, actually having sex on the sand, like, right here.
Guy #1: Yeah, like in the sand with a girl on the beach, having sex.
Guy #2: You mean, like, full-on bump and grind sex or a quick fingerbang?
Guy #1: Sex, man, sex!
Guy #2: Because there are many types of sex, like anal and oral…
Guy #1: Full fucking sex! Just answer the question! Have you had sex on the beach? Jesus!
Guy #2: No, man, I haven’t.
Guy #1: You’re a fucking moron.
–Panama City, Florida
Overheard by: walking behind them trying not to bust a gut
