Four-year-old boy, crouched behind a sand wall, yelling at friends running from waves: Hold your positions! I said, “Hold your positions!”
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Four-year-old boy, crouched behind a sand wall, yelling at friends running from waves: Hold your positions! I said, “Hold your positions!”
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Girl #1: Alex and I had sex here, on this beach.
Girl #2: When?
Girl #1: Last summer. We were staying at his parents’ beach house and would come out here at night and just do it.
Girl #2: Sounds fun.
Girl #1: Oh, it was. Until we saw this couple walking their dog by the water.
Girl #2: Hm?
Girl #1: It turned out it was Alex’s parents. They totally knew it was us.
Girl #2, laughing: Did they ever say anything about it?
Girl #1: Oh, yeah. His dad took me aside the next morning and told me we could have a private rendezvous one night if I wanted.
Girl #2: No way! That’s disgusting! Oh my god, what a perv!
Girl #1: Yeah, except he and his wife were going to get a divorce anyway…
–Stinson Beach, California
Hungover fat chick: You mean, I didn’t have sex last night?
Hungover skinny chick: Nope.
Hungover fat chick: I could have sworn I had sex with somebody last night…
Hungover skinny chick: Nope.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: glinda
40-year-old woman to friend: Yeah, they told me I can only have solid liquids for a week.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Little boy to friend: Ryan, do you want this hermit crab to pinch your nipples now or later?
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: MsKrabs
Beach guy #1: Hurry up!
Beach guy #2: Fellas, what's the rush? The beach only starts at two!
–Cape Town, South Africa
20-year-old speaking to friends: Why didn't you guys take me to hospital?
–Dee Why Beach, Sydney, Australia
Girl under umbrella: She said her two life goals are to grow a third arm and trip a cripple.
Mom (to friend): She’s a theater kid.
Friend: But still, I don’t see any reason to hurt a disabled person.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mary
