Family

And Prince

Aunt, looking up at the stars: What is that?
Nephew: Is this the southern or northern hemisphere?
Aunt (giggling): I have no idea.
Cousin, without looking up : That's Orion. You can see Meissa, the star at the top, that's its head. The really bright one is Rigel, that's supposed to be the knee. If you follow the constellation downwards you'll see Sirius.
(blank dumbfounded looks)
Cousin: That's, um, where the aliens from V come from.
Aunt, completely understanding : Ohhhh!

–Beaches of Koh Sumet, Thailand

Jesus, What Do You Have to Do to Get Exiled from New Jersey?

Little boy: Why do you live in New York now?
Uncle: Well, the family don't love me anymore.
Little boy: Huh? But…?
Uncle: Yeah, but you're lucky, they still love you. If they didn't, you'd have to live in New York with me.

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: Kate-in-Oz

When Couples Get Divorced, It Is Truly the Children Who Suffer

Girl: So, when Daddy said that his girlfriend was coming to stay the night it was a bad thing?
Mother: Yes, dear.
Girl: Does this mean I get two Christmases and two birthdays, like Ashlee?

–Parua Bay, New Zealand

Overheard by: naughtygurl

And Inserted It Into My Vagina

Blonde: So my mom fucked me last night.
Friend: She what?
Blonde: You know, held up her middle finger…
Friend: Um…

–Malibu, California

I'd Never Forgive Myself If They Dented a Lexus

Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.

–St Avalon, New Jersey

Overheard by: Himbo

And I Just Saw What I've Been Wearing All These Years

Little boy's brother: Why are you screaming?
Little boy: Because I'm Hillary Clinton!

–Drift Inn Beach, Port Clyde, Maine

Overheard by: Sara

Chinese Kid: 'Phew!'

Awesome mom #1: Yeah, so they were going to adopt this baby from China, but when they saw her she was ugly and they decided not to get her.
Awesome mom #2: Oh, really? That’s too bad.

–Ferry Beach, Maine

Overheard by: shawshank

…Word to Your Mother

Father to young son: Some holes have crabs!

–Alma, New Bruswick, Canadia

A Threesome With Both Parents Gets You an 11

Blonde teen: On a scale from 1 to 10, how slutty am I?
Brunette teen: 10.
Blonde teen: What? Oh my god, you bitch!
Brunette: You tried to hook up with my father.
Blonde: Oh, yeah…

–Hilton Head, South Carolina

Overheard by: Erin

New Yorkers Often Experience Culture Shock in New England

Four-year-old girl, dropping cracker on the floor: Oh, shit!
Mother: Um…no, honey. Not here.

–Steamship Authority Martha's Vineyard Ferry, Massachusetts

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