Stupidity

You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…

Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Mary

I'm 97% Certain Richard Simmons Was Born by a Massive Gay Orgy

Meth-adict-looking girl: I was born by a massive gay orgy.
Friend: I wish I was born by something…

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Zach

There's No Such Direction

Blonde walking on pier: I am not ditzy! Ask me a question.
Brunette: Uh, which way is West?
Blonde: That’s a trick question.

–Huntington Beach, California

What's the Word for a Fear of Teenyboppers?

Teenybopper #1: Ew, I hate wide open spaces.
Teenybopper #2: Isn’t there a word for that?
Teenybopper #1: Yeah, I think it’s some kind of phobia or something.

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: MarilynMonBRO

Christ Returns in the Form of an Idiot, to Test the Compassion of the Modern Beach-Goer

Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?

–San Francisco, California

In Fact, I'll Just Tell People at Yoga Class I Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Ditz #1: I would love to be a Buddhist.
Ditz #2: Yeah, it’s really spiritual.
Ditz #1: Yeah, all the meditating and stuff…
Ditz #2: Yeah…
Ditz #1: … But not a full Buddhist — that would be boring.
Ditz #2: Yeah, just do it for the yoga and stuff.

–Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia

Then Again, the Cystic Acne and Pom-Pom Barrettes Already Do the Job Pretty Well

Tween at fireworks display: Oh my god! We could, like, write ‘Fourth of July’ all over our legs, and that would get people to notice us!

–Evanston, Illinois

Overheard by: Sean

Even Dick Sucking?

Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay!

–Coney Island, New York

Florida Lies Outside the Normal Space-Time Continuum

20-ish blonde: What time is it in Florida?

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Why didn't Someone Remind Me That Filipinos Speak Tagalog?

Teen:Yeah, we met this black guy and he spoke Japanese, Filipino, and Mexican.
(silence from the group)
Teen: Yeah, he was this black guy who spoke Japanese, Filipino, and Mexican.
(continued silence)
Teen: This black guy spoke Japanese, Filipino and Mexican… Ohhh, dude! Haha!

–Hermosa Beach, California

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