Should’ve used a condom

Little boy, wearing a towel as a cape: I’m six! And six-year-old boys are full of poison! I’m gonna bite you! Rawrrr!

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lisita

Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: Jen

Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I'll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don't know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)

–Ocean City, Maryland

Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?

–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey

Little girl: I’m gonna… I’m gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don’t know…
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! … Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.

–Oceanside, California

Overheard by: kafrin

12-year-old girl: Mom! She’s throwing up pickles in the pool!

–Ixtapa, Mexico

Saggy-drawered kid: That woman carrying shit on her head.
Mother: Boy, you ain’t in Brooklyn anymore. This place different. And keep your voice down.
Saggy-drawered kid: Hell, she don’t speak English. And what the hell computer boy gonna do, report me to the internet?

–Tela Beach, Honduras

Overheard by: Computer boy, I assume

Three-year-old girl using towel as a cape and chasing seagull: I’m prettier than you! I’m prettier than you!

–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: you’re very tan

Passing local, to little boy feeding seagulls: Hey, you don’t want to do that. They’ll attack you.
Little boy: Okay. Thank you.

Local walks of earshot.

Little boy: What a bitch.

–St. Pete Beach, Florida

Overheard by: sara

Pissed off mom to crying sons: You're goddamned right, we're leaving and we're never coming back!

–Rye Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre