Race

So God Does Play Dice With the Universe!

Girl: He gets so tan!
Guy: I tell you, you look at his hand and you’d think that man was black!
Girl: You know, his mom’s husband is black. That’s why we tease him about that so much.
Guy: Really? His step-dad is black?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Wouldn’t you be pissed?
Girl: Yeah, well, his mom treats him like shit anyway.

Brief pause.

Girl: I’m rethinking the doctor thing.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Yeah, surgeon or oncologist or whatever I become. I wouldn’t be able to have a family.

–Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: kristen

And Had to Give It to a Guy Named Tyrone

Girl #1: I love Italian men. And black men.
Girl #2: Didn’t you date a half black, half Italian man?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: So where’s the ring?
Girl #1: He went back to jail.

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Genevieve

When the Game Show Network Merged With the History Channel

Girl to friend: I'm going to name one of my friends Jew and the other one Hitler, so it would be like Family Feud.

–Tampa, Florida

Maybe They'll Shame Me Out Of My Little Hissy Fit

Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Hell Is Other People Like You

Dude: Yo, that guy’s Asian as hell!

–Nag’s Head, North Carolina

Overheard by: alxie

Ugh, Those Terrorists?

20-something girl, talking about new guy she's dating: Yeah, he's kind of indie.
20-something guy: So is his dick dark brown?
20-something girl, after a long pause: Not Indian! Indie!

–Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Josh M.

Yet We Can't Seem to Keep You Off Our Island

American tourist, to black islander carving a sculpture from a log: You people are so talented!

–Straw Market, Nassau, Bahamas

Overheard by: Dumbfounded Tourist

Psst– Now It's More Fashionable to Blame the Muslims.

Black girl with southern accent: If the world ends it's dem negro's fault.

–Tampa, Florida

Only the Bourgeois Ones Say, 'Thanks'

Girl gives little boy a ball.

Little boy: Good looks.
Girl: Good looks?
Little boy: Yeah, that’s what black people say.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: sparky

That Was the Hottest Thing I've Ever Seen. I Dream about Her Every Night.

Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!

–Crane Beach, Massachusetts

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