Insults

Woman #1: Honey, I think I need a bigger size. Somethin’ to hold some considerable inches…What did you get?
Woman #2: A twelve.
Woman #1: Ooh, I don’t have that many inches.
Woman #2: Bitch.

–Swim Shop, Passagrille, Florida

Boy with pretty eyes: So I told her “porch monkey” is a racial slur.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yeah?
Boy with pretty eyes: And she says she doesn't know anybody named Rachel.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yes she does, her cousin's name is Rachel.

–St. Pete Beach, Florida

Mom #1 (watching her boy): We originally chose the name Eric, but now I'm thinking we should just call him Rick.
Mom #2: But then he would be… Rick James?
Mom #1: Yes. I think it suits him better.
Little boy (running by): I'm Rick James, bitch!
Mom #1: Maybe we should just stay with Eric.

–Baker Beach, San Francisco

Sober girl in crowded bar: I forgot what assholes people are.

–dive bar in Santa Cruz

Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]Long Island husband: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!
Long Island wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks!

–West Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too

Drunk girl: I can't believe you called me a bitch and told me not to touch your brothers.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Mr. Awsome

Husband: There are always thieves on the beach.
Wife: Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine up my ass?
Husband: Well, there are.
Wife: You are just a ray of fucking sunshine up my ass! All day (imitating husband) “I can’t smoke here, I can’t drink here, there are thieves on the beach.”

–East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Penny Lane

Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mandy

Kid #1: [Inaudible.]Kid #2: That’s the noise your mom made when I punched her in the eye with my dick.

–Beach restroom, Grand Haven, Michigan

Crazy bag lady: I’m Ozzy’s mommy!
Queer: No, you’re not! You’re a fucking gross woman who carries around used clothes and a knapsack full of tissues! Plus, Ozzy sucks!
Crazy bag lady: Fag!

–St. Petersburg, Florida