Hawaii

Dirty surfer to disinterested hippie girl: I mean, I do something for the military that nobody else does, no one has ever been able to do. It's tracking a submarine, underwater, tracking exactly where it is and where it goes, without using sonar, or any technology, or detection devices. They don't know how I do it, and I won't tell them, but I do it. I've won awards for it.

–Ala Moana Blvd. honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: mel

Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.

–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha

Dude on cell: Falling in love with me and sitting on my face are two completely different things.

–Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: Matyis

Little boy: Was that lady a ‘he’ or a ‘she’?

–Hilo, Hawaii

Overheard by: Gwen

Girl #1: We can go see the Kula botanical gardens.
Girl #2: Where on the island is it?
Girl #1, reading guidebook section: It’s in flora and fauna — I don’t know where that is.
Girl #2: Um… Flora and fauna means plants and animals, it isn’t a place on the map.
Girl #1: Well, I don’t speak Hawaiian so how was I supposed to know?

–Kihei, Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: ispeakhawaiian

Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.

–Kohala, Hawaii

Overheard by: BLondie

Crackhead: Yeah, I’m kind of known around here as the sheriff of the North Shore.
Local guy: Yeah? Well, then I’m the mayor.
Passing Australian surfer: I want to be prime minister.

–Sunset Beach, Oahu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jehan

Beach guy #1: We need to find some slutty girls tonight.
Beach guy #2: Yeah, sluts are great for hangovers.

–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jellyfish Jaq

Girl #1: I’m glad we aren’t having earthquakes here like back in Cali.
Girl #2: It would suck coming over to Maui and then having an earthquake here.
Girl #1: Hey, can you feel an earthquake in a plane?
Girl #2: Um…

–Kihei, Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: Darcy

Little Miss Texas slathering on more baby oil: I don’t know why I’m gettin’ all these little wrinkles around my eyes, do y’all?

–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii