Friends

Guy with thick European accent: What, you don’t like my muscles? You want me to wear long-sleeved shirt?
Friend: Uhhh, yes…

–Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: anny

Preteen boy #1, whispering to pal: Dude! Look at that girl lying over there. Her bikini’s pulled up so tight it’s up in her snatch.
Preteen boy #2, whispering back: Quiet… Damn!
Preteen boy #1: What’s that sticking out?
Preteen boy #2: I think it’s hair, dude.
Preteen boy #1: They got hair down there?
[they high-five each other]Preteen boy #1: It’s kind of gross and cool at the same time.

–Padre Island, Texas

Redhead to blonde: So I think he's gay, for serious, I'm not even kidding.
Blonde: What does your dad think?
Redhead: Oh, my dad says that he's “just playing.”
Blonde: Little boys don't play like that.

–La Jolla, California

Girl #1: But you were dancing with that guy…
Girl #2: Which guy?
Girl #1: The guy with the hard-on.
Girl #2: Which one?

–South Beach, Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl #1: Yeah, my mom wants me to go to this party, but I don’t wanna go alone. Wanna come?
Girl #2: Is it Tina’s party?
Girl #1: … Did you just ask me if it was a penis party?

–Clearwater, Florida

Overheard by: Hana

Chick #1: Is it just me, or does that baby over there have really broad shoulders?
Chick #2: Maybe you should get his number.

–Oscoda, Michigan

Overheard by: Kate

Fisherman #1, watching freshly caught ray: What is that?!
Fisherman #2: It's some kind of mutant fish!

–Tip of Steeplechase Pier, Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Liam

Guy #1: Okay, dude — if you could, which one of us would you sleep with?
Queer, looking back and forth, then staring at Guy #2: I have been dreaming of sitting on your face and using your ears as bicycle pedals…
Guy #2: Uh… What?

–Papas and Beer, Ensenada, Mexico

Overheard by: Alcaeus

Girl to friend: You just took four Clonazepam. How are you not having a good time?

–Luna Park, Coney Island

Meth-adict-looking girl: I was born by a massive gay orgy.
Friend: I wish I was born by something…

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Zach