White girl to black friend: Why do black people wear colored skinny jeans?
Black girl: So when it's dark you can see them.

–Tampa, Florida

Customer: Hey, my car is making a funny noise.
Clerk: What did it sound like?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: How did it go, again?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: I didn’t quite get that — one more time?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk!
Clerk: Hahahaha!
Customer: What?

–AutoZone, Crestview, Florida

Redneck spring breaker ordering from ceviche stand: Lemme try some of that shave-ice.

–South Beach, Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Bet he didn’t like it

Woman #1: Honey, I think I need a bigger size. Somethin’ to hold some considerable inches…What did you get?
Woman #2: A twelve.
Woman #1: Ooh, I don’t have that many inches.
Woman #2: Bitch.

–Swim Shop, Passagrille, Florida

Woman #1: And I gave him the cheese. Then he said he'd kill me. And he told me exactly how he'd kill me.
Woman #2: That's horrible!

–Miami, Florida

Overheard by: …what?

Boy with pretty eyes: So I told her “porch monkey” is a racial slur.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yeah?
Boy with pretty eyes: And she says she doesn't know anybody named Rachel.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yes she does, her cousin's name is Rachel.

–St. Pete Beach, Florida

Boy being changed on changing table (babbling): Bama amma bama.
Mother: Obama Obama Obama.

–Restroom, Royal Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Penelope

Little girl, no longer waist-deep in ocean: Mommy, smell my finger.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Girl: I'm really allergic to bugs, so that's why I'm scared of jellyfish.

–Destin, Florida

Overheard by: right, because jellyfish are just really big bugs

Angry old lady in motorchair: Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been all over this side of the lake, on the ferry, to the other side and back across here lookin’ for you!
Bewildered old man in motorchair: I was over there lookin’ for you.
Angry old lady: Whatever! Just come on! [Speeds off.]Bewildered old man, scared: But wait for me!

–Epcot’s International Village, Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: bakerchica