Florida

Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries!

–St. Peterburg Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Elderly woman: You know your cousin Wyatt? He's into history as well. And he is positively obsessed with World War II. The Nazi regime, camps, he is an expert!
Girl: That's really creepy, grandma.

–Tampa, Florida

20-something daughter: She’s 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain’t married yet, she ain’t never gonna be.

–Daytona, Florida

Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36

Young girl, yelling: This isn't The Hills. This is real life!

–No Doubt & Paramore Concert, West Palm Beach, Florida

Sweaty dude on boardwalk: I wrote a poem the other day. Wanna hear it?
Sweaty female companion, jogging away: Aw, hell no!

–Tampa, Florida

Guy to girl: I have a wiener dog that is a pain in the ass!
Girl: Is that supposed to be a pun?

–Tampa, Florida

Tween girl: I need a beer, yo. Who knows when the next time we’ll come to the beach is.

–Key Biscayne Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Kristina

Late-20s chick #1: Don’t the tourists understand the laws of seagull shitting? I mean, if they feed them, they are going to crap all over the entire beach.
Late-20s chick #2: At least the parade of Hare Krishnas has passed.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Overheard by: unMuse

Guy with board, about water: It's flatter than my abs out here!

–Perdido Key, Florida

Southern belle: If I had gotten on that boat, I would have met the man of my dreams. We would have had an amazing time and I would have fallen madly in love. Then I'd go back to Arkansas and he'd forget about me, just like all the rest of them.
Friend: Yeah… Need a smoke?
Southern belle: Yes! Do you have menthol? I love menthol.

–Fort Myers Beach, Florida