From This Month's Negligent Mother Magazine

20-something trailer park chick: This one time I was napping, and I just let the baby crawl around the house. I woke up ’cause I felt this tug on the blankets, and I look down and she was makin’ this choking sound! So I beat on her back, right, and this penny came out. When my husband came home I was like, ‘You can’t be leavin’ change lyin’ around the house!’ But, you know, I just knew something was wrong. Just the way she was tugging on my blankets and that sound she was making, I just knew. It’s that mother-daughter thing, you know?

–Palm Beach Shores, Florida

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on December 29, 2023
Default, Florida, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Idiots, Money, Stupidity, White trash

Let Me Guess– Whitney Houston Costume?

Teen to promoter throwing Halloween candy: Bitch, gimme somma dem fuckin' dots!

–West Palm Beach, Florida

Posted on December 24, 2023
Florida, Food, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Teens

Reality– the Ultimate Reality Show

Stoned girl #1: You know what's awesome? If you look up, you see the moon and the stars, and it's like you're looking at space.
Stoned girl #2 (munching Parmesan crackers): Whoooaaa.

–Saint Petersburg, Florida

Overheard by: i was stoned and it sounded cool at the time, too.

Posted on December 18, 2023
Drugs, Florida, Food, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Stoners, Stupidity

And because She's Your Sister

Drunk law student, down on one knee: Will you marry me?
Drunk girl he just met, giggling: Of course!
Drunk law student to friend five minutes later: That’s not binding if it’s just oral, right?

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Posted on December 18, 2023
Drunks, Florida, Questions

By an Angel?

Girl #1 to girl #2 at concert, after girl #2 comes back from talking to band: Are you okay? You didn't get touched, did you?

–Walton Beach, Florida

Posted on December 9, 2023
Florida, Girls, Music, Questions, Sex, Stupidity

But Then I Stopped Pretending

Queer #1: Oh my god, I used to eat Little Debbies all the time! I would have a Little Debbie and a Coke for breakfast every day.
Queer #2, intensely: I fucking loved Little Debbies.

–Publix, South Beach, Miami, Florida