Florida

Late-20s chick #1: Don’t the tourists understand the laws of seagull shitting? I mean, if they feed them, they are going to crap all over the entire beach.
Late-20s chick #2: At least the parade of Hare Krishnas has passed.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Overheard by: unMuse

Guy with board, about water: It's flatter than my abs out here!

–Perdido Key, Florida

Southern belle: If I had gotten on that boat, I would have met the man of my dreams. We would have had an amazing time and I would have fallen madly in love. Then I'd go back to Arkansas and he'd forget about me, just like all the rest of them.
Friend: Yeah… Need a smoke?
Southern belle: Yes! Do you have menthol? I love menthol.

–Fort Myers Beach, Florida

60-something naked man: Yeah, but he was born at a very young age too.

–Sunny Isles, Florida

Overheard by: Kris

Blonde, very loudly: You know, if I was a guy, these bikini bottoms would really cut into my balls!

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: Anne

Anorexic JAP #1: You look really good in that new swimsuit.
Anorexic JAP #2: I wish I could say the same to you, but you look a little pugdy around the hips.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why don’t you just do what I did? Lie.

–Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: JAP

Blonde: Why is the water so much saltier on this coast? They really need to stop putting all their extra salt in the water.
Dude: Extra salt?
Blonde: Yeah, isn’t that what the government does — just dumps the barrels of extra salt into the water?

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Kristin

Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Old lady looking at 30-something lady with a pot belly: Oh, how nice! How far along are you?
30-something lady: I beg ya pardon?
Old lady, smiling: Well, when are you due honey? The baby!
30-something lady: I'm not pregnant! This is how I look!

–South Beach, Miami, Florida

Concerned granny: You have to get a fruit and a vegetable.
Porky grandson: Candy corn is a vegetable!

–Buffet Restaurant, Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws