Drinking

Teen on phone: Yeah, I’m just getting some breakfast. [To bartender] Can I get a beer?

–Pub, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Islandhopper

Drunk mother: So, do… When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight… What the fuck is that kid’s name…?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell…? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You’re holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.

–Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia

Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I'm sorry ma'm, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Beach Bum

Tourist guy: Can I get a banana daiquiri with dark rum?
Dominican Bartender: Sí.

Tourist guy receives a banana daiquiri in one glass and another full of dark rum.

–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Overheard by: Devon

Girl #1: You need to learn to give off a “piss off” vibe. Follow my lead.
Girl #2 (to drunk groping her): If you fucking touch me one more time I'll cut off your balls!
Girl #1: Or just do that…

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Meathead #1: I was so wasted last night.
Meathead #2: Yeah?
Meathead #1: My girlfriend showed me pictures of me making out with a dude.
Meathead #2: Yeah, I think that was me.

–Revere Beach, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Tom

Drunk guy to drunk friend, seeing approaching car: Hey! Watch out for death!

–Terrigal, Australia

Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.

–Santander, Spain

Overheard by: Murray

Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I've been drinking all day, but you're the one that doesn't got their shit together!

–Huntington Beach, California

Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.

–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha