Drinking

Cop: All right, what’s in the cup?
Young guy: Uh, beer.
Cop: I asked you what’s in the cup. Now give it to me.
Young guy: I just told you, it’s beer!
Cop: You do know it’s illegal to be drinking on the boardwalk, right?
Young guy: It’s soda.
Cop: It’s beer. Give it to me.
Young guy: No! It’s mine!

Young guy runs off with cup.

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: also kinda drunk

Dad to buddy’s tween daughter: Susie*, can you get me another beer from the cooler?
Susie: Wow, Jerry, you’re an alcoholic.
Dad’s own tween daughter: My dad is not an alcoholic, he just drinks fast!

–Long Island, New York

Police officer: You’re under arrest for underage drinking in public.
American teen: But they’re from Canada, officer!
Police officer: Got any marijuana in your purse?

–Sandestin, Florida

Overheard by: proudcanadian

Drunk girl: I can't believe you called me a bitch and told me not to touch your brothers.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Mr. Awsome

Guy to son, pouring Hawaiian punch into kids cup: Boy, you gonna be pissin' tonight!

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Sandwich

Husband: There are always thieves on the beach.
Wife: Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine up my ass?
Husband: Well, there are.
Wife: You are just a ray of fucking sunshine up my ass! All day (imitating husband) “I can’t smoke here, I can’t drink here, there are thieves on the beach.”

–East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Penny Lane

Drunk dude: Seal! Come drink with us!

–Nantucket, Massachusetts

Drunken man, hitting on woman: Your eyes melt the elastic band in my swim trunks!

–Grand Beach, Manitoba

Overheard by: Tanning @ The beach

Random, possibly drunk lady at bar: 1, 2, 3, 4, who do we appreciate?

–Thai Restaurant, Honolulu, Hawaii

Beefy guy to group of beefy friends: Pomegranate and Red Bull? That's heaven in a cup!

–South Beach, Miami