Girl #1: Hey, see those guys we went out on the date with that time?
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: Up there with the big‐ass cooler and grill. I told you we shoulda gone out on another date with them. We coulda been up there drinkin’ beer and eating hot dog right now.

–Cabbage Beach, Paradise Island, Bahamas

Overheard by: d

Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20‐something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building’s the one my buddy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20‐something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!

–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii

Overheard by: mel

Teen girl reading rope candy wrapper at snack bar: 24 inches of flavor and fun!
Random middle aged hobo: Sounds like a midget I used to date!

–San Clemente, California

20‐something girl #1: So are you gonna go out with him again?
20‐something girl #2: No. He’s a vegetarian.
20‐something girl #1: Well, you can change that.
20‐something girl #2: No, he does it for like, moral reasons.
20‐something girl #1: Oh. Ugh, no. Forget that, then.

–Long Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Tara

Teen girl #1: Oh, I’m so happy for Candice!* She finally has a normal boyfriend!
Teen girl #2: Oh, that’s nice…Wait, is it that 29‐year‐old E dealer you guys met at that rave in Chilliwack?
Teen girl #1: Yes!

Long pause.

Teen girl #1: Well, it’s normal for her, I guess.

–English Bay, Vancouver, British Columbia

College student to friend: I watch less porn when I have a girlfriend…I don’t know why.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Guy to date: Careful, you’re about to spill that soda on yourself.
Girl: Yeah. Well hey, what’s one more liquid splashed all over my body today?
Guy: Uh… What?
Girl: Oh. Uh… what?

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: tner

Tween: The cute ones are not nice, the nice ones are not cute, and the cute & nice ones are gay.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Trixie

Drunk man: [Bumps into girl and puts his hand around her to move her aside.] Sorry.
Girl: Eww! You’re dirty!
Drunk man: C’mon, you know you like it!
Girl: Eww! [Drunk man walks away.] Call me!!

–Manhattan Beach, California

Overheard by: Snoog

Dude #1: Ah, see that girl?
Dude #2: Yeah.
Dude #1: She is whack.
Dude #2: Didn’t you date her for like a year?
Dude #1: Yeah, but she wasn’t whack back then.
Dude #2: So it’s safe to say that you made her whack?
Dude #1: It was the crack that made her whack, I just cheated on her a lot.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Mykl