Girl to surfer boy: If your dick is big as this ice cream I'll throw the ice cream in the trash and lick your dick!

–Santa Monica, California

Teen girl to giggly friend: Well, it's not my favorite thing to have that kind of shit in my mouth.

–Lido Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Alyssa

Boyfriend, offering a sip of shake: Here, have some.
Girlfriend: No, I’m okay.
Boyfriend: Have some, it’s protein!
Girlfriend: No! I’ll just suck your dick later.
Boyfriend: [Silence.]

–South Beach Florida

12-year-old boy to boogie boarding pal: You just did a 360! That was so awesome! We should all give you blowjobs for that! Even your brother!
Friend: Dude, you are so gay.

–Monterey Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith

Girl on cell: Suck a dick! Tell Vanessa to suck a dick too!

–Long Branch, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mr. Pacman and the Pacman Ghost

Guy: So I went to the party last night… and she gave me a BJ. Told you I was beast.
Friend: Well, she has herpes, so you should get tested.
Guy: That whore!

–Holden Beach, North Carolina

Bikini girl to friend: Yeah, I'd suck a dick for an iPod touch.

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Girlfriend: Some of my favorite times are lying on the beach with my head in your lap.
Boyfriend: Yeah, a lot of my favorite times involve your head in my crotch, too.

–The Point, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Greg P

Middle-aged man: Hi, girls. I was wondering if I could borrow one of your magazines. My wife is really bored and forgot her book. I’ll give you a drink in return.
Group of 20-ish girls: No problem. Here’s a People mag.
Middle-aged man: Thanks. See ya.
Middle-aged woman walks over laughing and whispers: Girls, my husband is so shy — I can’t believe he actually did that! And do you know what I have to do in return? [Girls stare.] I have to give him a blowjob tonight!

–Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Meghan

Drunk guy being dragged out of bar, yelling: But she promised she would suck my balls!

–Cold Keg, Melbourne, Florida