Cheesy 15‐year‐old boy: I can’t believe you were about to go up to him and say that. Ha, ha, ha.
Cheesy 15‐year‐old girl: Wouldn’t be the first time I made someone cry.
Cheesy 15‐year‐old boy: You’re a whore.

–Ocean City, New Jersey 

Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can’t have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?

–Huntington Beach, California

Teen tourist girl #1: Why are all the Jersey boys guidos?
Teen tourist girl #2: I don’t know. I guess there’s a lot of Italians around here.
Teen tourist girl #1: Maybe the water in the ocean is from Italy.

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: Glad I’m old..

Teen meathead #1: What are you?
Teen meathead #2: 100% Italian.
Teen meathead #1: Oh, really? That’s mad cool.
Teen meathead #2: Yeah, but my brother is all different things – he’s like Jewish and Irish and stuff.

–Lido Beach West, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: ally

Tourist guy: I hate these tourists! They think they’re so cool, just coming down for the weekend in their little homes, fucking up the traffic and making parking difficult. Go home!
Local teen: Your license plate says you’re from Pennsylvania.
Tourist guy: I rent for the summer. I guess I’m kinda like you, in a sense.
Local teen: Bitch, please.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: beach native

Spanish teen: Yo, mami, how ’bout I take a picture of me and you with that camera?
Preppy chick: How ’bout you’re not touching my camera?
Spanish teen: Oh, ouch! I’ll let you hold my phone. It’s worth lots!
Preppy chick: This camera is probably worth more than you are to your own mother.

–Bayfront Beach, Hamilton, Ontario, Canadia

Teen girl: My ribs are so big!
Mom: You can blame your father for that.
Dad: Your ribs are fine.
Teen girl: They look like a second set of boobs!
Dad: They look fine.
Mom: You know, you can get surgery to have some of them removed.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Teen girl #1: Was he gay?
Teen girl #2: No, he was Mexican.

–Lavallette, New Jersey

Teenage boy #1: Dude, look at that hot chick… And she’s topless!
Teenage boy #2: That’s a man in in a speedo, you idiot.
Teenage boy #1: Oh. (look of disgust)

–Long Beach, New York

Boy #1: Are you gonna use your real age or your fake age?
Boy #2: I’m gonna say I’m 20.
Boy #1: Fuck that! I’m saying 17.
Boy #3: I’m so wasted I can hardly ride my bike.

–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Beach Comber