14-year-old boy, looking at tide chart: Dude, I don’t get it! High tide is at 9:55 p.m., but this place closes at eight!
–Crescent Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kevin and Elissa
Teenage son: Mom, did dad ever kiss me? Like when I was little?
Mom: Your dad kissed you.
Teenage son: Yeah, but did he ever kiss me on the lips?
Mom: I'm not sure what you're asking.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: Ann
Teen girl to friend: It was kind of like a pornographic clown.
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Teen to friend: Went to the Bahamas, they had conch there. I didn't eat that, it was weird. They had really good French fries in the Bahamas, though. I like all kinds of French fries… Curly fries, spicy fries… Except for steak fries, they have too much potato.
–Key Largo, Florida
Teen: What’s Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it’s hard to explain. They’re a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they’re also a humanitarian social services organization. They’re sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Punked out teenage girl #1 (looking at Monterey on the other side of the bay): What's that island over there?
Punked out teenage girl #2: Um, I think that's Japan.
Punked out teenage girl #1: Oh, yeah.
–Beach Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, California
Teen girl reading rope candy wrapper at snack bar: 24 inches of flavor and fun!
Random middle aged hobo: Sounds like a midget I used to date!
–San Clemente, California
Hipster teen on cell: No, dude, I'm not sober. I'm totally drunk and I have to babysit in less than an hour!
–Alki Beach, Seattle, Washington
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he would be cute if he had better teeth.
Teen girl #2: Or a smaller nose.
Teen girl #3: He'd be cute if he was completely different.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
15-year-old standing on his friend: Woah, I can totally feel your spinal cord!
–Santa Cruz, California
