Questions

See, It's Sacred, and that's Why the Gays Don't Deserve It

Honeymooning hubby: Honey, do you want a drink?
Absentminded wifey, reading: Sure.
Honeymooning hubby: Do you want a sandwich?
Absentminded wifey: Whatever.
Honeymooning hubby, exasperated: Will you give me a massage?
Absentminded wifey: Whatever.
Attractive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a massage, hottie.
Absentminded wifey, looking up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Honeymooning hubby, whispering to blonde: So… Can I meet you later, then?

–Hilton Head, South Carolina

Overheard by: eager ears

Note to National Defense: Big Expenditure and Decorating Faux Pas

Frivolous tourist: What’s that?
Earnest tourist: That’s an aircraft carrier. San Diego is a big Navy port.
Frivolous tourist: Well, I think it just clutters up the look of the harbor.

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: Teresa Minnich

The Tragic Part Is, She's Trying to Say "Gaydar"

Woman to six-year-old son and friends: Wait, so do you pronounce it “Jäger” or “gay-ger”?

–Del Mar, California

I'll Just Do a Chick and Think About My Mom

Dude #1: I’d really like to do a girl and her mom at the same time.
Dude #2: I don’t think you’re gonna have any luck here. All these chicks look like they’re between 18 and 25.
Dude #1: So, what’s your point?

–Cancun, Mexico

Overheard by: Beach Frog

Tonight's Movie: The Da Vinci Clod

Blonde: What is autism?
Brunette: Are you serious?
Blonde: Isn't that when you write upside-down?

–Tampa, Florida

Dear God, What Have I Done?

Father to daughter, while mother brushes hair: Doesn't that hurt?
Daughter: Nope, I have a strong scallop.
Father: What does that mean? Your head is not made of vegetables!
Mother: What? Vegetables? That's “scallions,” you idiot! And your head is not a scallop, it's a scalp… you're both idiots! (laughs hysterically)

–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Sugardoll

If I Do You, Will You Be Nice to Me?

Girl: So, out of all the people in this circle, who have you been sexually involved with?
Queer: Does pecking count?
Girl: Yes.

Queer points at everyone.

Girl 1: You man-whore! So, if pecking doesn’t count, who have you done anything with?
Queer: Everyone except her.
Girl: So you’re still a whore.

–Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: shutterbug

Who Admits to Being a Hipster?

Girl: Do you hipsters wear glasses?
Boy: Only if it's not necessary.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Paperback Writer

Shark: Don't Flatter Yourselves, Boys

Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa.

–Avon, New Jersey

Interestingly, I Feel the Exact Opposite Way About The L-Word

Boy #1: You know what show I like?
Boy #2: What?
Boy #1: Six Feet Under. It's great, minus all that homosexual shit.
Boy #2: Yeah, for real.

–Belmar, New Jersey

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