New Jersey

Chick: Okay, that girl over there is the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen.
Dude: You’re so mean. [Dude looks] Oh my god!
Chick: I told you!

–Sea Isle City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Cols

Skateboarding surfer to six Hasidic Jews: Hey! Cowboys!

–Ventnor City, New Jersey

Overheard by: walking on the other side

Tween girl: Look I can float, and I don’t have big boobs!

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Jenn

Brooklyn kid pointing to training buoys: What are those big red things floating out there?
Lifeguard: Oh, that’s our shark fence.
Brooklyn kid: What?!
Lifeguard: Yeah, that’s our electric shark fence. It keeps the sharks out. Unless they were already in when we put it up — then they are stuck inside.

–New Jersey

Guido in wife beater and jeans halfway down his ass: Anal sex hurts me.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Bike kid #1: Where are you going? The girls are coming right back!
Bike kid #2: I’m going to get gum.
Bike kid #1 to bike kid #3: We’re never bringing him to fucking Wawa again!

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: DennyCrane

Toddler grumpily trudging through the sand: Change my diaper!

–Island Park State Beach, New Jersey

Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Dan

Mechanic, returning car: I got a wireless cable.

–Wildwood Crest, New Jersey

Teen girl: Of course she will get naked, she is slutty… I will get naked too, next time, but you guys respect me, right? Oh look, there’s a nude dude… [Points at stranger.] Want to see if I can get him hard?

–Sandy Hook, New Jersey