New Jersey

Daughter: Thanks for giving me an aneurysm, Mom.
Mother, under her breath: I wish I’d given you an aneurysm.
Daughter: What?
Mother: Nothing, dear.

–Sea Isle City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Cols

Man #1, stopping at free sample of fuge: Ohhh, fudge.
Man #2: Damn! It has nuts in it.
Man #1: I like nuts of all kinds.

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Dude #1: So yeah, she got pretty pissed ’cause we were eating all her food.
Dude #2: That sucks. She’s a bitch.
Dude #1: Yeah, but then we found the peanut butter — dude, it was like we just struck gold! And then we spread it all over her bookshelf.
Dude #2: Nice!
Dude #1: Yeah, it was awesome.

–Spring Lake, New Jersey

Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa.

–Avon, New Jersey

Boy #1: You know what show I like?
Boy #2: What?
Boy #1: Six Feet Under. It's great, minus all that homosexual shit.
Boy #2: Yeah, for real.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Ditzy chick: What are you doing today?
Skater kid: Chillin’ like a villain.
Other girl: The ’90s called – they want ‘Chillin’ like a villain’ back.
Ditzy chick: How do the ’90s call?

–Ventnor, New Jersey

Male beach-goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach-goer #2: You didn’t.
Male beach-goer #1: Isn’t the poop in this bag?
Male beach-goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you’re carrying the poop.
Male beach-goer #1: Oh my God! No one’s ever said that to me before.

–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Poopfactory

Little girl: Mommy! What is that?
Mother: Careful, honey, that’s a crab.
Little girl: Is that the same thing you said Aunt Kathy had last year?

–Point Pleasant, New Jersey

Overheard by: Biel

Little kid on the beach: Ew! It smells like the ocean!

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: Megan

12-year-old boy to boogie boarding pal: You just did a 360! That was so awesome! We should all give you blowjobs for that! Even your brother!
Friend: Dude, you are so gay.

–Monterey Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith