Movies

Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven't gone to mass in like, forever!

–Tampa, Florida

Friend #1: You know who's really hot? Megan Fox.
Friend #2 (in nonchalant agreement): Yeah, she's really hot. (more excitedly) You know who else is hot?
Friend #1: Who?
Friend #2: That brunette chick from the Transformers movie–damn.
Friend #1: Megan Fox?
Friend #2: Oh.

–Guarujá, São Paulo, Brazil

Girl to friend: Oh my god, the Titanic was so sad. Her true love is poor, and then he dies.

–Crane Beach, Massachusetts

Girl to friend: Oh my god, the Titanic was so sad. Her true love is poor, and then he dies.

–Crane Beach, Massachusetts

Guy: Two for Wanted.
Pregnant girl: You don't need to buy my ticket. I brought money.
Guy: It's the least I could do, after knocking you up.
Pregnant girl: Good point.

–Cape May, New Jersey

Girl in the ocean to onshore friend: Come out here! I'm like The Little Mermaid without Sebastian! I don't even have flounder!
Girl on shore: (shakes head no)
Girl in the ocean: Come on! You've seen Baywatch! Jog!

–Smith's Point, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Andi

Foreign girl: Hello. I just bought this bike. I need a special instrument to raise the seat. Can you help me?
Guy #1: We might. Do you need a wrench?
Foreign girl: Oh. I don’t know…[giggles]Guy #2: Where are you from?
Foreign girl: Belarus.
Guy #1: Why did you decide to come to the US?
Foreign girl, excitedly: I came for work and pleasure! I work at Subway!
Guy #2: This is so stereotypical teen movie.
Foreign girl: Does that mean you can fix my bike?
Guy #1: Do you wanna come inside and get drunk with us?

–5 Kings Row, Dewey Beach, Delaware

Hot chick #1 (laying on Little Mermaid towel): I always feel bad laying on her like this.
Hot chick #2: I wouldn’t! I’d scissor her face if she was real.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Large lady in elevator to another: The kids brought back this DVD, they said it was PG-13… Well they started it up and it was raunchy! It had cheerleaders in it and god knows what else.

–Majestic Beach Towers, Panama City Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Heading to Blockbusters to find that DVD!

Guy: Fuckin' Wonka?
Girl, watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Yeah man, the orig.

–Dundas, Canadia