Little girl: Mommy, is this Lake Michigan?
Mom: Yes, honey.
Little girl: Then why doesn't it look like this in Chicago?
–Petoskey, Michigan
Little girl: I’m Italian, so I don’t get sick.
–Mashpee, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jill
20-Something chick #1: So Brad and I went up to the mountains with his friend Greg and Greg’s fiancé. Brad and Greg went out to unpack the car, and she and I just started going at it.
30-Something chick #2: You guys were making out?
30-Something chick #1: It was way intense.
30-Something chick #2: Wow.
30-Something chick #1: Then Brad and Greg came back in the house, and Greg started, like, totally freaking out. I mean, he just wasn’t, like…feeling my openness!
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: gefiltepez
White trash 7 year old, chasing seagulls: Varmits! Get away, you varmits!
Man: Does she mean varmints?
Woman: She’s from Indiana. That 10 year old next to her who is throwing the shovel at the seagulls is probably her mother.
–Indiana Dunes National Park
Guy #1: I’ve been married for eleven years. My wife and I are always looking for ways to keep our relationship fresh.
Girl: I’ve heard having sex in different rooms of the house helps that.
Guy #2: My wife and I just have sex with different people.
–Santa Monica Pier, California
Saggy-drawered kid: That woman carrying shit on her head.
Mother: Boy, you ain’t in Brooklyn anymore. This place different. And keep your voice down.
Saggy-drawered kid: Hell, she don’t speak English. And what the hell computer boy gonna do, report me to the internet?
–Tela Beach, Honduras
Overheard by: Computer boy, I assume
Woman to six-year-old son repeatedly throughout the day: Get away from me. Go away! I said leave! I don’t want you here… Come back here where I can see you.
–Goddard State Park, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Claudia
Girl #1: Yeah, so I joined this great club at school. They went to Peru over spring break to give eye exams.
Girl #2: Oh yeah? That’s kind of far to go for spring break.
Girl #1: I thought so, too. But it’ll be better this year because they’re going to South America instead.
–Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
Chick: Do you guys live here?
Guy #1: Yep, right over there.
Chick: And what about you?
Guy #2: No, I don’t live here.
Chick: Where do you live?
Guy #2: Everywhere. I’m a hobo.
Chick: No, you’re not.
Guy #2: Yes, I’m a hobo. I sleep on the beach, and I eat out of trash cans. I’m a hobo.
Chick: I want to be a hobo.
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: Supercharger
