Geography

Girl: Can you tell me why you’re pissing on the sand?
Guy: We’re in Jersey.
Girl: Yeah, so?
Guy: Jersey’s dirty. It’s your duty as an American to fuckin’ keep it that way, bitch.

–Merivale Avenue, Beach Haven, New Jersey

Overheard by: Snow White

Idiot dad: You know they import all this sand from Florida, that's why it's so soft.
Idiot son: Yeah, I've heard that too.

–Newcomb Hollow Beach, Wellfleet, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Alana Geary

Girl: How do *you* know the spaceship isn't the entrance to my entertainment centre?

–Adelaide, Australia

Overheard by: T

A black man cuts in line ahead of two anorexic JAPs.

Anorexic JAP #1: Why are we here again?
Anorexic JAP #2: Ugh, I know! This would never happen back in Boca!
Black man: Eat something, you Jewish popsicles!
Anorexic JAP #1: Did he just ask us to give him a blowjob?

–Deerfield Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Laughing

Teen girl #1 to cute boy: Wow, you're from Romania?
Teen girl #2: Do you have, like, MTV Asia?

–Avalon, New Jersey

Kid: Mom, where are we going?
Mom: Just walk straight!
Kid: Where’s straight?!

–Robert Moses Beach, New York

Overheard by: Gwast

Women on cell walking down a 2-mile beach: I am right by the water. Where are you?

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Antzolino

Guy to couple: Hi!
Blonde wife: See, they're nice here, not like in California.

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: cherry picker

Boston woman in her late 50s: … And it’s not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse… It’s so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen?

–Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: KP

Chinese guy #1, taking picture: It’s too bad the American flag is fluttering in the background.
Chinese guy #2, posing for the shot: Don’t worry, I’ll photoshop it to a Chinese flag on my computer.

Translated from the Chinese.

–Laguna Beach, California

Overheard by: Jackie