Old lady looking at 30-something lady with a pot belly: Oh, how nice! How far along are you?
30-something lady: I beg ya pardon?
Old lady, smiling: Well, when are you due honey? The baby!
30-something lady: I'm not pregnant! This is how I look!
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Concerned granny: You have to get a fruit and a vegetable.
Porky grandson: Candy corn is a vegetable!
–Buffet Restaurant, Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
White girl to black friend: Why do black people wear colored skinny jeans?
Black girl: So when it's dark you can see them.
–Tampa, Florida
Customer: Hey, my car is making a funny noise.
Clerk: What did it sound like?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: How did it go, again?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: I didn’t quite get that — one more time?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk!
Clerk: Hahahaha!
Customer: What?
–AutoZone, Crestview, Florida
Redneck spring breaker ordering from ceviche stand: Lemme try some of that shave-ice.
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Bet he didn’t like it
Woman #1: Honey, I think I need a bigger size. Somethin’ to hold some considerable inches…What did you get?
Woman #2: A twelve.
Woman #1: Ooh, I don’t have that many inches.
Woman #2: Bitch.
–Swim Shop, Passagrille, Florida
Boy with pretty eyes: So I told her “porch monkey” is a racial slur.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yeah?
Boy with pretty eyes: And she says she doesn't know anybody named Rachel.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yes she does, her cousin's name is Rachel.
–St. Pete Beach, Florida
Boy being changed on changing table (babbling): Bama amma bama.
Mother: Obama Obama Obama.
–Restroom, Royal Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Penelope
Little girl, no longer waist-deep in ocean: Mommy, smell my finger.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
