Older brother: Okay, okay, run around and grab all the sand and pick it up and throw it on the ground as fast as you can.
(little brother stares cluelessly at older brother)
Older brother: No, you fail!
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joseph Hammerman
Guy standing in front of store: I can't believe it! That little girl just said “asshole”! I can't believe it! (gestures at two-year-old inside parked car)
Little girl: Asshole!
Guy: I can't believe it that little girl said “asshole” again!
Mother: Ni-iiice.
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
Girl #1: Why the hell isn’t he going? We have to get someplace too!
Girl #2: It’s probably a parent.
Girl #1: Yeah, those parents are always looking out for kids’ safety. I am so not going to be one of those parents. And I will never have one of those Please Drive Slowly bullshit signs in my yard.
Girl #2: Yeah, if you don’t want me to hit your kid, keep him out of the goddamned street.
–Booth Lake, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Sarah
Trailer guy: So what about Beth?
Trailer girl with child nearby: Beth? Chuck, she can suck my fat pussy.
–Madeira Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Mark
Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: beach*blonde
Adorable niece: I can see your wiener because I have X-ray vision!
–Corral Cabana Club, Tampa, Florida
Little boy: If I was a girl, I would marry my cousin.
–Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MD
Black woman to toddler running wild: Tyrone, get yo' black ass over here or I will spank you like a white man!
–Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: White girl
Woman with three-year-old boy: Dude, you are freaking mommy out!
–Beach 6, Presque Isle, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
