Guy #1: She told me that she wants to see other people.
Guy #2: You’re taking this all the wrong way. Now, you can nail that slut over there and she can’t be mad at you when you get back together!
Slut: I would never have you.
–Long Beach, New York
Guy #1: She told me that she wants to see other people.
Guy #2: You’re taking this all the wrong way. Now, you can nail that slut over there and she can’t be mad at you when you get back together!
Slut: I would never have you.
–Long Beach, New York
College chick on cell: I’m like, ‘Why do I have to have dreams about us breaking up? Why can’t I have dreams like I used to… Like when I was fucking Bob Saget?’
–Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
Dude: That’s why they call me ‘the Titanic.’
Chick: They don’t call you ‘the Titanic.’
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Ana
American girl #1: You know what I want to get while I’m here in India? A Sherpa. That would be so cool.
American girl #2: What’s a Sherpa?
American girl #1: It’s, like, a people endemic to the Himalayas. You can buy one, and they carry your stuff for you.
American girl #2: Oooh, that sounds nice!
–Goa, India
Overheard by: Wish I were Canadian
Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don’t you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!
–Playa Del Rey, CA
Mother, dressing son: Wow, your hair dried gorgeously! You’re such a Jew.
–Cape Henlopen, Delaware
Overheard by: KDP
Hippie chick #1: He’s doing fantastic.
Hippie chick #2: Really?
Hippie chick #1: Yeah, his family was really worried about him for a while, but he’s fine now… He’s, like, the leader of some cult in the valley.
Hippie chick #2: Good for him.
–Venice Beach, California
Bikini girl #1: Oh my god, he was totally sleeping, and his member was, like, totally awake. Like, hello?!
Bikini girl #2, giggling: Yeah, hello?!
Bikini girl #3, giggling: Hello?!
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Tween boy #1: Dude, I’m gonna cleave the beaver.
Tween boy #2: When?
Tween boy #1: Tonight.
Tween boy #2: Sweet. You’ll have to tell me how the beaver tastes.
Passerby: Do you even know what a beaver is?
Tween boy #2: Yeah, it’s an animal, stupid.
–Beaver Island State Park, Grand Island, New York
