Little boy: Dad, what's the navy?
Dad: It's the army, but with boats.

–South Haven, Michigan

Little girl: Why is the ghost still here?
Dad: She just likes to come back and say hi from the spirit world.
Little girl: But why does she throw books?
Dad: She doesn't throw books, she just likes to read. And she's a little drunk.

–Hotel Del Coronado, San Diego, California

Father pointing to ocean: Hey, John, look at the dolphins! [Seven-year-old boy looks around, not seeing them.] You’re missing them! You’re missing them like you miss everything! You’re just like your mother!

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Got to remember that for when I am a parent

Dad to misbehaving child: Do you want chocolate or a slap?

–Nantasket Beach, Massachusetts

Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.

–Hilton Head, South Carolina

Overheard by: anna

Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.

Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.

Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!

–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina

Tattooed dad to two-year-old daughter struggling to get on tricycle: Remember, sweetie, always get on from the left so you don't burn yourself on the exhaust pipe.

–Playground, Alameda, California

Overheard by: lith

Young boy to father: Dad, do you know those girls?
Father: No!
Young boy: Oh, 'cause you keep staring at them…

–Lake McConaughy, Nebraska

Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Lilian

Teenage surfer to dad: You're too old to get high!

–La Jolla, California