Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.

Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.

Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!

–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina

Tattooed dad to two-year-old daughter struggling to get on tricycle: Remember, sweetie, always get on from the left so you don't burn yourself on the exhaust pipe.

–Playground, Alameda, California

Overheard by: lith

Young boy to father: Dad, do you know those girls?
Father: No!
Young boy: Oh, 'cause you keep staring at them…

–Lake McConaughy, Nebraska

Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Lilian

Teenage surfer to dad: You're too old to get high!

–La Jolla, California

Dad to kid: You guys want to rent a canoe?
Kid: Canoe!? That's super hard, even on the Wii, much less in real water!

–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: caveman

Adorable little girl: Daddy, I want a hamburger!
Bitter dad: No, hamburgers will make you fat. Do you want to be fat like your mommy? Is that what you want?

–3rd Street Promenade, Santa Monica, California

Attractive dad in front of giant sting ray swim tank: There will always be times in your life where you will have fear, but when you do it anyway, it makes it easier the next time. Okay, buddy?
Skinny eight-year-old with snot dripping down his nose: (nods)
Attractive dad: Okay, let's go.

–Discovery Cove, Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: I was scared

Father to daughter, while mother brushes hair: Doesn't that hurt?
Daughter: Nope, I have a strong scallop.
Father: What does that mean? Your head is not made of vegetables!
Mother: What? Vegetables? That's “scallions,” you idiot! And your head is not a scallop, it's a scalp… you're both idiots! (laughs hysterically)

–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Sugardoll

Girl (yelling from balcony): You brought a printer on vacation with you?
Dad: Yes.
Girl: (walks away annoyed)

–Long Beach Island, New York

Overheard by: Jayne