Man to wife and daughter: Hey! I’ve shat my pants before and it really wasn’t that bad, so I’d be willing to do it again.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Little girl: What does that sign mean?
Father: That means ‘Pedestrians,’ sweetie.
Little girl: Are we pedestrians?
Father: Yes, we are.
Little girl: Oh… I thought we were Catholics.
–Beach near Amsterdam, North Holland, Netherlands
Overheard by: Daan
Little girl: Why is the ghost still here?
Dad: She just likes to come back and say hi from the spirit world.
Little girl: But why does she throw books?
Dad: She doesn’t throw books, she just likes to read. And she’s a little drunk.
–Hotel Del Coronado, San Diego, California
Father pointing to ocean: Hey, John, look at the dolphins! [Seven‐year‐old boy looks around, not seeing them.] You’re missing them! You’re missing them like you miss everything! You’re just like your mother!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Got to remember that for when I am a parent
Dad to misbehaving child: Do you want chocolate or a slap?
–Nantasket Beach, Massachusetts
Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: anna
Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.
Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.
Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!
–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Tattooed dad to two‐year‐old daughter struggling to get on tricycle: Remember, sweetie, always get on from the left so you don’t burn yourself on the exhaust pipe.
–Playground, Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
Young boy to father: Dad, do you know those girls?
Father: No!
Young boy: Oh, ’cause you keep staring at them…
–Lake McConaughy, Nebraska
