Compare and contrast

And Resigning From Your Fan Club

50-something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50-something woman: Well, I don't want the key lime pie, that's fifth on a list of five options.
20-something woman #1: Well, why don't we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50-something woman: I want everyone to eat what I'm eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20-something woman #2: Oh my god. I'm leaving.

–Holden Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: Audrey

…According to That Cosmo Quiz

Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.

–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha

Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth

Woman in red dress to friend: I ain't get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!

–Coney Island, New York

Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth

Woman in red dress to friend: I ain't get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!

–Coney Island, New York

When the Game Show Network Merged With the History Channel

Girl to friend: I'm going to name one of my friends Jew and the other one Hitler, so it would be like Family Feud.

–Tampa, Florida

I May Never Go Home Again

Young male Australian tourist on cell: We've already been to a service station and a McDonald's, which is different.

–Rotorua, New Zealand

Overheard by: exactly how different to McDonald's in Australia?

And Were Shaped Like Either a Horse or a Teacup, Depending Upon Who You Ask

New Jersey Guido: His nipples were as big as clouds…

–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Peter Butter and Gina Jam

Translation: the Ocean Scares Me

Young black male: Yo, I wish this was an urban beach. Like Chicago.

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Anyone Else Feeling a Strange Nostalgia for The Golden Girls?

Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There's no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield

She's Never Going to Let That One Go

Girl: You have to take your shoes off to walk in the sand.
Guy: I’ll wait until we find a spot.
Girl: What? Walking in the sand with your shoes is like fucking your mom and not cleaning up afterwards.
Guy: Okay, okay!

–Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: JD

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