Hyper seven-year-old: Sit!
Frazzled mother: Who are you talking to?
Hyper seven-year-old, matter-of-factly: Myself.
–Taco Bell, Deerfield Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kiwi
Hyper seven-year-old: Sit!
Frazzled mother: Who are you talking to?
Hyper seven-year-old, matter-of-factly: Myself.
–Taco Bell, Deerfield Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kiwi
Boss: What do you call this finger in English?
Employee: The ring finger.
Boss: Ok, how about this one?
Employee: Uh, hold it right there [takes a picture] That’s the middle finger.
Boss: I see. How about the little one?
Translated from the Japanese
–Beach BBQ in Toyama, Japan
Little girl: Mommy, where’s the rest of your bathing suit?
Mother: It’s called a ‘thong,’ honey.
Little girl: Like that song?
Mother: Yes, honey, just like the song.
Little girl hums ‘Thong Song.’
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Little girl: Mommy, where’s the rest of your bathing suit?
Mother: It’s called a ‘thong,’ honey.
Little girl: Like that song?
Mother: Yes, honey, just like the song.
Little girl hums ‘Thong Song.’
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Pale nerd to posse: So I took out my super big blue Chakra shotgun and I said…
–Seal Beach, California
Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: anna
Tourist: So where you from?
Hot girl: Uh, here. Where’d you think I was from?
Tourist: I dunno. It’s just that here, people are always like “Ooh, I’m from Venezuela” and I’m just like, dude, what the fuck is Venezuela?
–Miami Beach, Florida
Teen boy #1: I swear on my mom, if you just put that on you won’t get wet.
Teen boy #2: Then why the fuck is it called a wet suit?
–Cedar Lake, Minneapolis, Minnesota
