Yet We Can't Seem to Keep You Off Our Island

American tourist, to black islander carving a sculpture from a log: You people are so talented!

–Straw Market, Nassau, Bahamas

Overheard by: Dumbfounded Tourist

Posted on December 15, 2022
Central America, Compliments, Idiots, Race, Stupidity, Tourists, White people

First Tell Me What You Think a Beach Is

Tourist standing on beach: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the beach is?

–Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on December 13, 2022
Default, Idiots, New York, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists

God Does the Rest

Tourist: Where do they put the sand in the winter?
Local, sarcastically: Oh, they put it in bags and store it in the convention center.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: OC local

Posted on November 29, 2022
Guys, Idiots, Maryland, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists

That's As Much As I'm Cleared to Tell You At This Juncture

Tourist: Hey, the water is coming up really high.
Local: Yeah, it’s definitely a high tide today.
Tourist: How come it does that? I mean, what makes the water come up so high?
Local: Well, let’s just say it has a lot to do with the moon.

–Pismo-Oceano Dunes, California

Overheard by: janie

Posted on November 10, 2022
California, Comebacks, Default, Guys, Nature, Questions, Tourists

And They Keep Accidentally Driving Me Back Over the Border

Tourist with thick New Jersey accent: These people are so stupid! They don't even speak American.

–Huatulco, Mexico

Posted on November 7, 2022
Gripes, Language Barrier, Mexico, Stupidity, Tourists

Though I Often Doubt If They Are Worth It

Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.

–Kohala, Hawaii

Overheard by: BLondie

Posted on November 6, 2022
Gossip, Hawaii, History, Tourists

Remember When You Thought Taking German in College Would Never Do You Any Good?

Male tourist speaking in German: Look at that guy's Speedo!
Female tourist speaking in German: Eeew. And his friend really needs to shave his back.
Male tourist speaking in German: I am so glad no one understands what we are saying.
Female tourist speaking in German: I know!

–South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: German-speaker

Posted on October 13, 2022
Clothes, Fashion, Florida, Language Barrier, Physical Appearance, Tourists

You Might Find Some in Between the Condoms and Syringes

Hick tourist, pointing to the ocean: So is that there salt water?
Island Beach State Park worker, after long confused pause: It's the ocean.
Hick tourist: Yeah, but does it like, have salt in it?

–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: sick of bennies

Posted on October 4, 2022
Clerks, Nature, New Jersey, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists

And Ketchup

American female tourist #1: So what did you say your favorite condoment was ?
American female tourist #2: Trojans!
American male tourist: You kiddin … Mine is Europe, every time!

–Holland America Cruise, Mediterrean Sea

Overheard by: Vennfix

Posted on September 27, 2022
Cruise ship, Geography, Questions, Tourists, Words

Pop Quiz: Which Girl Are You?

Tourist girl #1: Wow! Check out the package on that guy!
Tourist girl #2: What? He's not holding anything.
Tourist girl #1: I meant his dick!

–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Overheard by: Fernanda

Posted on September 14, 2022
Brazil, Girls, Penis, Physical Appearance, Tourists, Words

Tourists