Tourist: How do I get to the beach?
Local #1: Get on the 8 and go east.
Tourist: Thanks.
(tourist leaves)
Local #2: You're sending her east.
Local #1: Fuck her, she didn't say which beach.
–Pacific Beach, California
Tourist: How do I get to the beach?
Local #1: Get on the 8 and go east.
Tourist: Thanks.
(tourist leaves)
Local #2: You're sending her east.
Local #1: Fuck her, she didn't say which beach.
–Pacific Beach, California
American: Hey, you're from Australia, right?
Australian: Yeah. I'm just here on holiday.
American: Right. I thought you had an Aussie accent. So you're not familiar with cars, hey? It's all about kangaroos where you come from?
Australian, laughing: Yep… that's right.
–California
Tourist: How do they get the sand so white? Do they bleach it or something?
Local: We wash it every day.
–Tulum, Mexico
Overheard by: Tulumbum
Female tourist: So, how do they know where the islands are every day?
Male tourist: They’re chained to the sea floor so they don’t drift too far.
–Cinnamon Bay, St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands
Overheard by: stephen
Tourist to lifeguard: Excuse me. Excuse me! When do they release the dolphins?
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Backnarootie
Pale tourist: Hey, do you have the time?
Bronzed local child: Sure, mister! It’s 12:45.
Pale tourist: Is that Eastern Standard Time?
Bronzed local child, sarcastically: No. It’s local time in Pango-Pango.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Geobaldi
Tourist: What a beautiful day! If it were a girl I’d take her home and eat her pussy out all night!
–Nags Head, North Carolina
Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.
–Laguna Beach, California
