Italian MC on the PA: Fifteen minutes to Bocce ball tournament, volleyball tournament… Sex on the beach! Beer tournament at six!

–Fortuna Beach, Grand Bahama Island

Girl on drugs, rubbing random person's stomach: Your belly feels like my belly, but on someone else!

–Byron Bay, Australia

Tween #1: Ohmigod. It’s soooo sandy.
Tween #2: Um, it’s a beach.
Random old man: Damn teeny boppers.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: I hate shoobies.

Tourist: How do I get to the beach?
Local #1: Get on the 8 and go east.
Tourist: Thanks.
(tourist leaves)
Local #2: You're sending her east.
Local #1: Fuck her, she didn't say which beach.

–Pacific Beach, California

American: Hey, you're from Australia, right?
Australian: Yeah. I'm just here on holiday.
American: Right. I thought you had an Aussie accent. So you're not familiar with cars, hey? It's all about kangaroos where you come from?
Australian, laughing: Yep… that's right.


Four-year-old sprays woman with his giant water gun, and doesn’t stop after she warns him repeatedly.

Woman: I’m going to talk to his parents! [Stomps to nearby cafe.] Who is responsible for this child?
Parent: Sorry. What did the little fucker do this time?

–Marmaris Beach, Turkey

Tourist: How do they get the sand so white? Do they bleach it or something?
Local: We wash it every day.

–Tulum, Mexico

Overheard by: Tulumbum

20-something guy, screaming to total stranger: My dick is, like, totally swollen, bro!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Nic

Girl: What is that?!
Guy, flipping it over: Oh my God. Are those eye sockets?
Girl: Ewww. That’s no jellyfish.
Guy: It looks like an alligator head.
Girl: But alligators aren’t in salt water. Maybe it got lost?
Guy: Look it has a…spine?
Girl: But a head wouldn’t have a-
Woman sitting nearby: -It’s a chicken breast. I just threw it out.
Girl and Guy: Oh.

–St. Augustine, Florida

Overheard by: Cristen

Random passer-by: Have you seen Shark Week? I'm not going in there!

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Anna