Girl #1: She’s such a ditz. She’s in a band called ‘Bitch Slap,’ and they all wear matching shirts that say ‘Bitch Slap.‘
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!

–Coffs Harbour, Australia

Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20‐something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building’s the one my buddy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20‐something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!

–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii

Overheard by: mel

Large lady in elevator to another: The kids brought back this DVD, they said it was PG‐13… Well they started it up and it was raunchy! It had cheerleaders in it and god knows what else.

–Majestic Beach Towers, Panama City Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Heading to Blockbusters to find that DVD!

Coworker #1: This is a weird song.
Coworker #2, listening to hip hop: You’re a weird song.
Coworker #1: He sounds like a child molester.
Coworker #2: You sound like a child molester.

–Long Beach, California

Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I’ve got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

20‐Something girl #1: Yeah, I fell asleep. It was a stupid movie! And that guy with the squid on his face, who was he, Medusa?
20‐Something girl #2: You mean Davy Jones?
20‐Something girl #1: Yeah. And I was like, what about The Monkees?
20‐Something girl #2: There weren’t any monkeys.
20‐Something girl #1: You’re too young to remember the Sixties. Davy Jones was in the Monkees.
20‐Something girl #2: Um, Davy Jones the pirate came first. Haven’t you ever heard of Davy Jones’s locker?
20‐Something girl #1: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

–Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Middle‐aged woman to another, watching opera‐singing karaoke street performer: I dunno… I say she’s retarded.

–Laguna Beach, California

Overheard by: Fixed Address Local

Teen bimbette: So I heard about this new band that just came out. The lead singer is really cute… they’re called The Doors.

–South California

Irritated mother: So, the dance is really just a DJ playing music for an hour, it’s very informal.
Blonde teen: So, does that mean it’s unformal?

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: hahahahaha

Girl #1 to girl #2 at concert, after girl #2 comes back from talking to band: Are you okay? You didn’t get touched, did you?

–Walton Beach, Florida