Girl to friend: I’m going to name one of my friends Jew and the other one Hitler, so it would be like Family Feud.
–Tampa, Florida
Archive for the ‘History’ Category
Though I Often Doubt If They Are Worth It
Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.
–Kohala, Hawaii
Overheard by: BLondie
Who Didn’t, Really?
Brunette: I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but I don’t think I’m going to get one. You can’t get buried in a Jewish cemetery if you have a tattoo.
Blonde: Why would you want to get married in a Jewish cemetery?
Brunette: Not married. Buried.
Blonde: Oh… So, are you Jewish?
Brunette: Yes.
Blonde: What is it with Jews always wanting to marry other Jews?
Brunette: I guess part of it is that the Jews have been persecuted so much, so people want to make sure to perpetuate the race.
Blonde: Really? Like who? Who persecuted the Jews?
Brunette: Um… well… the Nazis.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
I’m More Interested in His Daughters
Homeless man, frolicking in large waves: Do it again, Poseidon!!
–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Daryl
She Doesn’t Count Those Pregnancies, Either
Spin-doctor chick: Well, really I’ve only slept with three guys.
Realistic chick: Ha! It’s been way more than that. After your last year in college, you’d have to be up to six.
Spin-doctor chick: Yeah, but two of them were really bad and one was too drunk to finish, so those three don’t count.
–Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: silently smirking
Our SATs Have Tanning and Waxing Sections
High school girl #1: Wait, Muhammad Ali the boxer or the dictator?
High school girl #2: What planet do you come from where Muhammad Ali is a dictator?
High school girl #1: Florida.
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Dude, You Suck at “Yo Mama”
11-year-old Korean boy to 11-year-old Egyptian boy: You live in pyramid and you mummy!
–Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: novalis
Thinks The Grapes of Wrath Is a History of the Welch Family
Chick, passing another reading Brave New World: That girl was reading a book about Columbus, I think.
–East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island
Overheard by: it’s got a Savage, but no Columbus
Just Say Galileo Was a Test-Tube Baby
Boy: Dad, who’s more intelligent? The father or the son?
Dad: The father, of course.
Boy: Who invented the telescope?
Dad: Galileo Galilei.
Boy: Why didn’t his father?
–Boracay, Philippines
Overheard by: jkcalma
Their Brains Are in a League of Their Own
Movie critic #1: You know that movie, with Tom Hanks, where he plays the drunk baseball player? And the women are the players because the men are gone?
Movie critic #2: Where?
Movie critic #3: To war.
Movie critic #2: So the women played baseball? That wasn’t a movie.
Movie critic #1: You know, the movie has that star that’s on TV. Bette Davis’ daughter.
Movie critic #3: Who?
Debate goes on for several minutes.
Movie critic #1: Wait, it’s Geena Davis! She’s Betty Davis’ daughter! See the resemblence in the eyes?
Movie critic #3: Didn’t Betty Davis hate Geena because she was tall?
Movie critic #1: Well, she got the part anyway, didn’t she? Geesh, I wish I could remember the name of that movie!
–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts
