Guys

Guy #1: She told me that she wants to see other people.
Guy #2: You’re taking this all the wrong way. Now, you can nail that slut over there and she can’t be mad at you when you get back together!
Slut: I would never have you.

–Long Beach, New York

Guy, about his infant son’s abnormally long ass crack: Some day that one’s gonna be the toast of San Francisco.

–Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Reading Man

OC dude #1: So, like, when you were at college, did you have to do your own laundry?
OC dude #2: Yeah.
OC dude #1: That sucks. I had to do my own laundry for, like, a year.
OC dude #2: It’s actually not that bad.
OC dude #1: Yeah, it actually makes you feel really responsible.

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: Lena

Beach guy to bikini girl: I'd bend over, but my arse hurts too much.

–Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Felicity

Man on phone: How about I stick my penis in your vagina?
Woman on the other end of the phone, loudly: How bout…no.

–Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: couldn't contain

Man with thick Russian accent to group of dancing girls: Shake it, shake it!
(seriously) But do not break it.

–Brighton Beach, New York

Drunken man, hitting on woman: Your eyes melt the elastic band in my swim trunks!

–Grand Beach, Manitoba

Overheard by: Tanning @ The beach

Bro to another: Tequila out of her nipples, and…

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Ladle

Homeless guy to guy with extremely long hair: Oh my god! Is that hair real?
Guy with extremely long hair: Yes.
Homeless guy: Oh my god! I'm a midget!

–Santa Cruz, California

Boy: So you go out a lot?
Girl: Yeah. My sister thinks I’m a druggy, but I’m like, “Sure I take drugs a lot, but that doesn’t make me a druggy.”

–Beach in Australia