Girl: That big lady across the room is staring at you again. You know she thinks you’re hot — I bet she’s picturing you naked right now.
Guy, rubbing his nipples: She wants my body.
Girl: In a minute she’s gonna look over here and do that to you.
Guy: Are you kidding? That bitch would have to grow longer arms so she could reach below her knees.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Guy: So I went to the party last night… and she gave me a BJ. Told you I was beast.
Friend: Well, she has herpes, so you should get tested.
Guy: That whore!
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
Nature’s mishap: I can’t take off this towel.
Logical friend: Why? You do have something on under that.
Nature’s mishap: Well, no.
Logical friend: What?! What happened to your trunks? You didn’t lose them in the water, did you?
Nature’s mishap: No…they’re just gone.
Logical friend, to another guy: I can’t keep my eye off of John for one minute, can I, without him doing something stupid?
–Long Beach, New York
Bikini girl to friend: Yeah, I'd suck a dick for an iPod touch.
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Girl: My nipples are so sore! I think they’re sunburned.
Nipple-Savvy friend: Is that even possible?
Girl: What else would explain the pain? [Shows nipple]Nipple-Savvy friend: Maybe your boyfriend shouldn’t bite them so hard, yeah?
Girl: He didn’t bite them!
Nipple-Savvy friend: I can see the bite marks.
Girl: Oh.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: A beach bookreader
Girl #1: She wants me to move to Philadelphia after college, because she has family in Pennsylvania and she wants to visit me.
Girl #2: Why would she want you to move to Philadelphia and not Pennsylvania?
–Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MBD
Little boy to friend: You wouldn't even know about Jesus if it wasn't for me!
–Wild Wood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Andie
Tattooed woman with cast: Did you see the dancer on stage with the horse tail?
Pale friend: I am ready for a vacation.
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Scott on SoBe
Teen to friend: That boy doesn't know his bivalves from his crustaceans.
–Colonial Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I love me some bivalves AND crustaceans
