Dude: When I was in Florida, there was a dolphin in the water about five feet from me. I never ran so fast in my life.
Chick: Why?
Dude: When something big and black surfaces next to you in the water, you generally start to shit your pants.

–North Burleigh Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Galina

Girl: I’m so tired.
Boy: Well that’s because you were up all night having sex, and whose fault is that?
Girl: My vagina’s. I can’t control her.

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Overheard by: yellow mushroom

Guy: Look, Jen — I’ll fuck you, I’ll spank you, I’ll tie you up, and I’ll piss on you, but I am not getting back into a relationship with you.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!

–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia

Queer: That guy sooo just checked you out.
Hot chick: Should I go over there and ask to sit on his face?
Queer: Bianca.
Hot chick: What? I’m horny!
Queer: Me, too, now that I think of it.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Tween #1: Do you think I'm a bitch?
Tween #2: No!
Tween #3: You look like a bitch.
Tween #1: What?
Tween #3: Bitches are pretty.
Tween #2: Do I look like a bitch?

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Girl playing volleyball, as guy switches to her teach to even up sides: I promise we won't suck too much…

–Adelaide, Australia

Blonde teen: You know that woman we saw at Ikea last year, the one that was like, massively, explosively pregnant?
Brunette teen: Yeah?
Blonde teen: Well I've been wondering…
Brunette teen: If she's had her baby yet?
Blonde teen: No, I wonder if she named her baby “Ikea.”

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Jedda

Girl: How do *you* know the spaceship isn't the entrance to my entertainment centre?

–Adelaide, Australia

Overheard by: T

Aussie queer: I know that guy’s gay. That’s got to be his sister. A minute ago a guy came walking up to him that had the same look — tattoos, short hair… That’s usually a giveaway, right? Monkey’s face.
American queer: Monkey’s face? What’s that mean? Is that another Australian colloquialism?
Aussie queer: No, I was just saying the guy’s face looked like a monkey.

–Bronte Beach, Australia