Drunk college student, spilling wine on herself: Oh great. Now I’m wet all over!
Drunk college boy nearby: What! Who said that!?
–Gold Coast, Australia
Archive for the ‘Australia’ Category
Dolphin: I Prefer Cetecean-Australian, Thanks
Dude: When I was in Florida, there was a dolphin in the water about five feet from me. I never ran so fast in my life.
Chick: Why?
Dude: When something big and black surfaces next to you in the water, you generally start to shit your pants.
–North Burleigh Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Galina
Miss Pussy Declares Her Independence
Girl: I’m so tired.
Boy: Well that’s because you were up all night having sex, and whose fault is that?
Girl: My vagina’s. I can’t control her.
–Bondi Beach, Australia
Overheard by: yellow mushroom
I Mean, I’m Not Some Kind of Pervert
Guy: Look, Jen — I’ll fuck you, I’ll spank you, I’ll tie you up, and I’ll piss on you, but I am not getting back into a relationship with you.
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
And I’m Totally Upset That Our Video Debuts on SmutLady.Com Tonight
Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!
–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia
Miss Manners Says as Long as You Ask First, It’s Okay
Queer: That guy sooo just checked you out.
Hot chick: Should I go over there and ask to sit on his face?
Queer: Bianca.
Hot chick: What? I’m horny!
Queer: Me, too, now that I think of it.
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
Puberty and Peer Pressure Ensure Australia’s Bitch Surplus
Tween #1: Do you think I’m a bitch?
Tween #2: No!
Tween #3: You look like a bitch.
Tween #1: What?
Tween #3: Bitches are pretty.
Tween #2: Do I look like a bitch?
–Bondi Beach, Australia
…With Your Penis Being the Obvious Exception.
Girl playing volleyball, as guy switches to her teach to even up sides: I promise we won’t suck too much…
–Adelaide, Australia
Just Because You Named Your Triplets “Bed”, “Bath”, and “Beyond”…
Blonde teen: You know that woman we saw at Ikea last year, the one that was like, massively, explosively pregnant?
Brunette teen: Yeah?
Blonde teen: Well I’ve been wondering…
Brunette teen: If she’s had her baby yet?
Blonde teen: No, I wonder if she named her baby “Ikea.”
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Jedda
We’ll Never Understand Australian Pillowtalk
Girl: How do *you* know the spaceship isn’t the entrance to my entertainment centre?
–Adelaide, Australia
Overheard by: T
