Animals

Teen to friend: That boy doesn't know his bivalves from his crustaceans.

–Colonial Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: I love me some bivalves AND crustaceans

Teen girl, looking at historic photos of fishermen: So like, what's a “circa”?
Teen boy: That's a kind of fish. (pointing to photo) See, that's a circa. So's that…

–Pier, Naples, Florida

Overheard by: circa 1978

Girl to boy: Look at the sea otters! So romantic! …touch my breasts.

–Tacoma, Washington

Ditzy college girl to friends, about seagulls on a dock: This might be stupid, but are those birds? They're so evenly spaced!

–Lewiston, New York

Overheard by: Lauren

Tourist to lifeguard: Excuse me. Excuse me! When do they release the dolphins?

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Backnarootie

Person #1: I don't want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why? We came all the way to the beach…
Person #1: It's cold in the water.
Person #2: You were the one that wanted to come.
Person #1: Yes, but I didn't want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why ever not?
Person #1: There are crabs in the water. I don't want people to think I'm promiscuous.

–Plymouth Beach, Virginia

Girl: What is that?!
Guy, flipping it over: Oh my God. Are those eye sockets?
Girl: Ewww. That’s no jellyfish.
Guy: It looks like an alligator head.
Girl: But alligators aren’t in salt water. Maybe it got lost?
Guy: Look it has a…spine?
Girl: But a head wouldn’t have a-
Woman sitting nearby: -It’s a chicken breast. I just threw it out.
Girl and Guy: Oh.

–St. Augustine, Florida

Overheard by: Cristen

Small child: Mama, I have crabs in my shorts!

–Panama City Beach, Florida

Overheard by: People Watcher

Husband, excited at seeing a washed up, dead whale: Carla? Do you remember how excited you were when you saw that deer? Well, wait ’til you see this!

–Fernandina Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Katred

Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I’ve got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina