Sex

14-year-old girl to friends: Yeah, I'm not a whore… I'm just popular.

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Girl: It's funny, when I first met you, you were a virgin, and now you fuck everybody!
Guy, whining: Shut up!

–Smith Point, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Tom and Katie

Woman #1: How are you, Sam? I haven't seen you forever.
Woman #2: We need to catch up more often. How are you?
Woman #1: Don't even ask. Only a couple of weeks ago I realized I had crabs, and just yesterday I found out my daughter has herpes. (sighs)
Woman #2: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. At least you're getting some action.

–Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: Marissa

Bikini girl to older man: Yeah, he dumped her because she didn't put out. I mean, you're a high school guy, are you really going to stay with a girl who doesn't put out? Also, she kinda had a mustache.

–Morgan Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Kim

Hipster chick: That sperm dude is so anal.

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Overheard by: excellent

Guy #1: She told me that she wants to see other people.
Guy #2: You’re taking this all the wrong way. Now, you can nail that slut over there and she can’t be mad at you when you get back together!
Slut: I would never have you.

–Long Beach, New York

College chick on cell: I’m like, ‘Why do I have to have dreams about us breaking up? Why can’t I have dreams like I used to… Like when I was fucking Bob Saget?’

–Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Ava

Man on phone: How about I stick my penis in your vagina?
Woman on the other end of the phone, loudly: How bout…no.

–Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: couldn't contain

Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Chick #1: So, yeah, he's still fuckin' with me… But not fucking fuckin' with me. Just with my head.
Chick #2: Oh, so he's not using his head to fuck with you. Just his other head?
Chick #1: Yep. You got it. It's a head fuck without the head.
Chick #2: Must be painful.
Chick #1: You don't fuckin' know the half of it.

–San Rafael, California

Overheard by: Head Games Suck, Or Not